Every couple hits rough patches. They are part of life. But how do you really know if your struggles are a ‘we need to sort this out’ moment, or if you actually need professional help? You might feel unsure. You might worry about what asking for help means. Forget the worry. Seeking relationship counselling just shows you value your relationship and want to fix it. Paul Barrett is a British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and the UK Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP) member who supports couples and individuals through counselling.
Are you arguing more than talking?
Think about how you and your partner communicate. Do most of your conversations end in an argument? Maybe you only talk about logistics: “Who’s picking up the kids?” or “Did you pay the bill?” You stop having real, open chats.
When you do talk about feelings, you might find yourselves stuck in a loop. You have the same fight about money or chores every week. You feel unheard. Your partner feels unheard. You both know the problem but cannot find a solution together. That cycle is a huge red flag. It shows you need someone outside to help you change the pattern. A counsellor can give you new tools to talk without blowing up.
When the small problems feel huge
Emotional distance creeps up slowly. Perhaps one of you starts staying late at work. Maybe you spend more time on your phone than with each other. This kind of disconnect means small issues quickly become big ones.
Your partner leaves a plate on the side, and you react with fury. Why? Because the plate is not the problem. The constant feeling of being undervalued or alone in the relationship is. You feel like you are fighting for your place, not just a clean kitchen. When your feelings about everyday things are out of proportion, your relationship needs a check-up. You cannot fix this level of emotional buildup on your own and understandably need a safe space to unpack the real issues.
You keep hoping things will just change
Lots of couples wait too long. They think, “It’s just a phase,” or “We will get better once the kids are older.” But waiting often makes things worse. You keep putting off the conversation, and the resentment grows. Resentment is toxic.
If you have tried to change things and failed, or if you feel exhausted just thinking about trying again, that is your answer. You have reached your limit on self-help. Waiting only means you are creating a bigger mess you have to clean up later. Counsellors like Paul Barrett see this all the time. He helps couples who waited and need to re-learn how to trust and talk again. Stop waiting.
Taking the next step with relationship counselling
Recognising the problem is the hardest bit. If you feel any of these points apply, you should act now. Seeking help is not a failure at all. It is a commitment to your partnership. Want to know more about the process and what it involves? You can find out more about Paul Barrett’s approach to relationship counselling and how he can help you and your partner start talking again at your initial session. Contact us to find out more.