Anger is a natural and normal emotion. When handled in a healthy way, it can be a useful tool that motivates us to address problems. However, when anger becomes frequent, intense, and out of control, it can have a negative effect on your relationships, health, and career. If you’re struggling with managing your anger, you may want to consider professional anger management. However, by learning to recognise your triggers and developing new coping strategies, you can take control of your emotions and live a calmer life.
Here are five steps you can take for better anger management.
1. Identify your triggers and warning signs
The first step to managing anger is to understand what causes it. Think about the situations, people, or events that consistently make you feel angry. Are you short-tempered when you are stressed at work? Does a specific family member push your buttons? Once you know your triggers, you can either avoid them or prepare yourself to handle them more calmly.
Pay attention to the physical and emotional warning signs of rising anger. Do your muscles tense up? Does your heart rate increase? Do you start to feel irritable or resentful? Recognising these signs early gives you a chance to step back and apply a calming strategy before you lose control.
2. Take a time-out
When you feel your anger rising, it is important to give yourself space to cool down. This is not about avoiding the problem, but about preventing a knee-jerk reaction. Step away from the situation for a few minutes. Go for a short walk, listen to some music, or simply sit in a quiet room and breathe. This break helps to calm your nervous system and allows you to think more clearly.
Using this time-out method helps prevent you from saying or doing something you might regret later.
3. Practice relaxation techniques
Calming your body is essential for calming your mind. Practising relaxation techniques can help you manage anger in the moment and reduce your overall stress levels.
Some simple techniques include:
- Deep breathing: Take a slow, deep breath in through your nose, hold it for a few seconds, and then exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat this several times.
- Progressive muscle relaxation: Tense and then release different muscle groups in your body, starting from your toes and moving up to your head.
- Mindfulness: Focus on the present moment. Pay attention to your senses and the details of your surroundings, such as the feeling of your feet on the floor or the sound of the birds outside.
4. Adjust your thinking
The way we think about a situation can have a massive impact on how we react to it. Anger is often a result of irrational thoughts, such as thinking in absolute terms (e.g., ‘This always happens to me’) or jumping to negative conclusions.
Challenge these thoughts by asking yourself:
- Is this thought true?
- Is there another way to look at this situation?
- What is the most helpful thing to think right now?
By reframing your thoughts, you can change your emotional response from anger to something more productive, like calm problem-solving.
5. Communicate assertively, not aggressively
When you are angry, it’s easy to resort to yelling or using hurtful language. However, this only escalates the conflict. Learning to communicate your needs and feelings assertively is a key skill for managing anger.
Assertive communication means:
- Using “I” statements: Instead of saying, ‘You always make me so mad,’ try, ‘I feel frustrated when this happens.’
- Being clear and direct: State your needs clearly and respectfully without blaming the other person.
- Listening to others: Be willing to listen to the other person’s perspective. A two-way conversation can often lead to a solution.
Appointments for anger management
If your anger continues to feel overwhelming or if these steps are not enough, it may be time to seek professional help. Paul Barrett is an experienced and clinically accredited counsellor and psychotherapist based in London. He is registered with the UK Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP) and is also an EMDR therapist. He offers a safe and confidential space for you to explore the root causes of your anger and develop personalised strategies to manage it.
Book your first consultation with Paul to begin your journey towards a calmer life.